Le Boulanger de Bagdad

With the recent demise of Saddam Hussein I’ve been forced to reconsider my post of December 17^th, “A New Filk”. Obviously, the events of the past few days have put a knot in Saddam’s singing career and the Hussein-Rumsfeld “power duo” that I hoped for is not going anywhere fast. But there is still hope for Mr. Rumsfeld. Indeed, this maybe why Don Rumsfeld was born to this world…

Let’s step back and look at the big picture. It is clear that a unified Iraq requires a strong alpha-male leader. But the country is currently wracked by in-fighting and sectarianism. These problems cry out for reconciliation and forgiveness, characteristics not typically included in the personalities of most tyrants. But as is so often the case, Don Rumsfeld is the exception to the rule. Here’s a man who lives these contradictions every day. He is the grand-fatherly tyrant, the man with a heart of gold and fists of iron, an honest-broker just trying to make the world a better place and willing to crush anyone who gets in his way. So, where many see chaos and civil war, I see opportunity and, in particular, a job opportunity for Mr. Rumsfeld. Let’s replace the Butcher of Baghdad with the Baker of Baghdad.

What image could bring more hope, more optimism, more compassion than the sight of Donald Rumsfeld—former military leader of the occupying forces—dusted in flour, kneading dough, and making bread for the children-loving people of Iraq? There’s so much fear about a “Shia crescent”, but what about a “Shia croissant”? And why not a “Sunni Napoleon”? Let’s replace the pain-loving Sadam, with the pain-amant Rumsfeld.

Here’s the milestone I want to see: Don Rumsfeld exiting off the back of a C-130 sporting a French beret, a baguette tucked under his arm, and wearing a tee shirt advertising his new Bagdad bakery with the slogan—in English, French, and Arabic—“Buy my bread, or else…”