Bidding farewell

I would have liked to have started this blog a few days ago and thus commemorate a great event in the history of human dignity, July 19th, 1946--the day my uncle Walter was born. But things are rarely the way we want them to be and so I am starting today. In fact, Walter may have been the world's first blogger even before the concept was discovered, in the same way that Bob Dylan, another obvious inspiration for this blog, was the inventor of rap music long before it had a name. (cf. SUBTERRANEAN HOMESICK BLUES).

Walter was a first rate complainer. He was master of the pithy statement, an encyclopedia of aphorisms, a lifetime guardian of “J’accuse”. Above all else, he was blessed with the ablity to believe anything that he wanted.

One afternoon Walter was on the Long Island Rail Road heading out to Stony Brook where he and his partner lived. It was rush hour and the train was crowded. The three-seat rows on the LIRR have a particular design where the seat closest to the aisle has a lowered backrest. Walter was seated in the middle seat, another passenger was next him in the window seat. A woman boarded the train and quickly took the empty aisle seat next to Walter. The train started up and after a moment the woman turned to Walter and said: “Excuse me, could we please switch seats?”

“No thank you,” Walter replied, “I am comfortable where I am.”

Surprised by his refusal the woman turned back. After a couple of minutes back and forth in the seat trying to get comfortable, she tried again:

“Excuse me but I have a back problem and these aisle seats are not good for it. Could we please switch seats so that I don’t hurt my back?”

“No thank you,” Walter replied again, adding that there were other cars and other seats if she wanted to look elsewhere.

The woman turned back again, but now the pot was on the front burner. She pushed this way and that all over the seat trying to make the best of the diminutive backrest. But physical comfort was impossible given the emotional stress and the explosive logic of fight or flight.

After a few more minutes of elevated heart rate and swirling interior monologue, she boiled over.

“You know, I can’t believe you. Someone with a bad back asks you to switch seats so that they are not in pain and you are so selfish as to say no. I feel sorry for you. ”

To which Walter calmly replied, “You know, I feel sorry for me too.”

Realizing that this was no ordinary mad man, the woman had no option but to gather her things and march off in a huff. After she had left the car a passenger in the row behind who had been following the drama tapped Walter on the shoulder.

Walter turned around and the man said to him, “That was beautiful.”